I’m Not Dead

Life is really, really busy, and I’ve neglected the blog. I apologize to myself, mostly, because that’s what this is for. I’ve been hit with a bit of malaise, a bit of wanderlust, and well the doldrums of the work EdTech workers do – which can be somewhat satisfying, but unchallenging. I haven’t been asked to think or be creative in a long while, and that’s a bit taxing.

I thought that EdTech was something that I still wanted to do, but I’ve realized it’s just the job I have. And that’s OK. I keep telling myself that anyways. But more and more, EdTech is not OK. We’re beholden to someone else’s due diligence, someone else’s decisions, and someone else’s fuckups.

I’ve been an EdTech worker for 15 years, and probably will be one for many many more (such is the way society is currently structured). Maybe this doesn’t need to be written. But I’m in a spot where I can’t advance, and there’s no specific career path. There’s nothing up, or forward. There just is. I had ambitions; I still have ambitions periodically, but I can’t see a way to achieve them.

I’m faced with the reality that maybe this isn’t what I wanted.

When I started it was just after the gold rush – with education moving resources online, on websites, and yeah, into portal sites. There was a freedom, because none of the problems were solved. None of the solutions standardized. Systems were malleable, and could be broken in the most beautiful ways. Every challenge had some sweat and maybe tears before it was solved.

It was really beautiful because it was human. Now, things are so homogenous, and so bland in EdTech.

So I’ve taken my creativity elsewhere, and some of my thinking too. That’s why I can’t be bothered to write about the drudgery of administration of systems. Or EdTech in general.

2 Replies to “I’m Not Dead”

  1. Dude. I get that feeling of being stuck, and having to deal with other people’s decisions/whims/fuckups. It gets old, fast. I was ready to leave the university back in 2010, and wound up jumping into a completely different role (when I moved to IT as an IT Partner). It was a huge learning experience, a great set of challenges, and helped me realize I never ever ever want to work in IT again. I finished my MSc just in time to apply for my current job in the Taylor Institute, and wouldn’t trade this for anything. But I’m trapped again. There is nowhere to move, even literally, in this kind of role. So I have to make it into something that is interesting to me, while being useful to the Institute. So far, so good.

    Don’t stress about writing about the day job. Be creative however you can, and cherish that. It makes us better in all parts of our lives to be creative and having fun as much as possible. The job is just the job. It’s part of you, but doesn’t have to define you. I’m still working on that part.

  2. Thanks for that, I often wonder is it’s nostalgia I’m after or is it just burn out? I remember the early days being so exciting, but was it just because it was new? Maybe it was more fun, and now it’s institutionalized? It’s a stuggle because what I want to do is just not possible right now. So yeah I feel that, and you’re right, one has to carve out space for themselves in their work; which is challenging when you have competing priorities.

    And by no means am I unique in this; I’m sure everyone has this at some point/ many points in their life. I need to figure it out, and writing about it is the first step.

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